smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
