My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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