He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
