tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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