Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
