I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
