I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
