some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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