We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
