my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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