My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
