I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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