he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
