I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
