you would pick up someone in the library
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
