He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
