I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
