We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
