She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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