Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
