in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
