Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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