When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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