Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
