he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
