Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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