sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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