my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
