You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
