It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we made out on top of his cat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
