So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
