It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
