Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
