If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
only you would photoshop your dick
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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