im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
