just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
