made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Couch. On fire.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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