I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
