Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
