i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
