I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
