His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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