How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
