We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
