So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
