And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
