i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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