guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
