wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
