that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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