i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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