I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
