haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
