so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
