Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
